i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
