I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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