So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
