Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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