Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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