so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
