I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
