apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
