We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
