Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
