Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
