The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
smell my finger.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
