i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
