Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So much rum. So many feels.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
