You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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