sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
