wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
