its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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