Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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