Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
