I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
