Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
