Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
