too bad you live with your parents still
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
handjob tips. give me some.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
