My girlfriend figured out who you are.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
