She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
