Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
pray to the hookup gods
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
