There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
