genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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