Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
