when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
