I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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