i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
