I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Terrible idea I love it
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
