So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
