You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
