D3 body, D1 cock
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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