He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
