There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
smell my finger.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
