I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
