two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize