Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
