saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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