YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
