I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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