i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
