It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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