I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
