Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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