in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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