8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
